Are there any differences in the significance of trauma and motherhood?

The role of culture

Sexual violence happens everywhere and has been happening since the beginning of time. There are rules in every community about how men and women relate to each other and how they should behave (1). These social rules exist both within the migrant and refugee communities, as well as within Dutch culture.

“My daughter Stella was born while I was imprisoned during the war. I got pregnant in prison. There were men who made me sleep with them, even if I didn't want to. Stella was the only beautiful thing among all the bad experiences I had. Children are innocent. I lost my whole family due to horrible events. When Stella was born, I thought, “She's the only family I have now, she's a gift from God. She will take care of me.” She is now only 3.5 years old, but she is already so wise! She's always watching me. When she sees me crying, she comes to me and wipes away my tears. She wants to stay with me forever. When I look at her, I forget my pain. She gives me hope. She is whom I live for."

Talking about sexual violence is a taboo in many societies. It is not talked about, partly because it is connected with feelings of shame and guilt. Some cultures blame the victim of sexual violence, others blame the perpetrator. Opinions about marriage and extra-marital children can also play a role. Women, as well as children born from sexual violence, are often negatively affected and discriminated against, excluded, and in some countries, mother and child are even ostracised by family.

Different worlds, different rules

For refugees and migrants, it is a challenge to deal with different rules: those of the Netherlands and those of the home country. “In addition to the taboo on sexuality, victims with a migrant background are also afraid of the consequences if sexual violence becomes known in the community, such as revenge, fear of not being able to find a partner or of being rejected by the community,” says Marianne Cense in an interview (1).

“The mother of a four-year-old boy said: While I was fleeing, I was abused by a man who promised to take me to this country safely. He eventually dropped me off at a refugee centre, I never heard from him again after that. Later I found out I was pregnant. Worst of all, I think my son is seen as a ‘nobody ’. A ‘nobody’ because he'll never know his father. I come from a respectable family, our men are the village elders. This position is handed down from father to son. This gives the son the right to exist, and his position in life. But my son? He only has a mother. That doesn't count in our community... But luckily, it's different here. Here you don't have to hide your child and he simply has the same rights as other children."

As in many other cultures, talking about sexual violence and its consequences is still often a taboo in the Netherlands. Both the taboo on sexuality and the fear of the consequences of sexual violence can lead to mothers with a child born of sexual violence not being open to help.

In an increasing number of countries, sexual violence is considered a crime. Internationally, sexual violence against women is condemned as a weapon of war or a war crime. Victims can file a report and they can also receive support. Although this may give recognition to the painful experiences of the victims and their difficult position, the negative views may still dominate elsewhere. Women with children born of sexual violence are left to deal with their secrets alone and are afraid of accusations, discrimination and expulsions.

Cultural sensitivity

Cultural sensitivity is being aware of your own and other people's social context (2). It is also called ‘the ability to perceive cultural differences’ (3). This requires an open attitude on the part of the professional towards the mother and her environment. A culture-sensitive professional explores the mother's perspective, her social context and how she gives meaning to her experiences. In addition, the professional is aware of their own cultural values, norms, opinions and prejudices. Below are recommendations for a culture-sensitive work approach when it comes to treating or helping mothers with a child born of sexual violence.

Personalised care
Think about individuals in their context and not in cultural stereotypes. Show respectful interest. Explore how the mother interprets her problems and situation? What does she worried about? What is the influence of her background on these problems? What are the views of her family, loved ones and community? What is her attitude to life?

Be aware of any prejudices you may have. What are your views on children born of sexual violence?

Good communication
Take your time. Probe if you're not sure what a mother means by a certain term. Check if the mother understands you. Communicate about communicating and explain why you ask certain questions. Reflect aloud: “This might sound like a strange question to you, or the subject may be too intimate.”

In a practical sense: understanding each other in a literal sense is important. Hire a professional interpreter if the mother does not speak Dutch. NOTE Strictly no family or acquaintances, because this will strongly influence the communication and confidentiality.

Organisation of care
Explain what your organisation does and why. Don't assume the mother knows why she's currently with you. The organisation of care in the Netherlands can be complex and unfamiliar to the mother.

How does the mother describe the help she needs herself? Ask about a possible referral, and how the mother feels about that.

Indicate in a clear and empathetic way what you can and cannot help the mother with.

Look at into family/supportive network
Ask about the family and the mother's relationship with her family. Who supports mother, how does she feel about this. Is this what she needs and are there any other needs?

Infomation
Explain the differences between the mother's culture and Dutch culture. Especially if this is relevant for the interpretation of sexual violence, care and assistance for children born of sexual violence.

Based on source 3 & 4

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