Can I stay with you?
Can I stay with you?
If war comes and I must hide,
Can I stay with you?
If there’s a group I don't want to join,
Can I stay with you?
If there’s a rule I cannot follow,
Can I stay with you?
If I have to be something I've never been,
Can I stay with you?
If there’s nowhere else to go, can I stay with you?
And if I have to cry, will you dry my tears?
If I can stay with you, you can always stay with me.
Come whenever you want, I'll keep a bedroom free.
Claudia de Breij
In the song “Mag ik dan bij jou?”, Claudia de Breij aptly expresses our human vulnerability in times of stress and how much we need the support of others to deal with it. The question itself also bears a level of vulnerability: it must not only be asked but also answered. Especially if you become pregnant as a result of rape, you desperately need the support of those around you, and they may fall short or be judgmental. Trauma hurts. It can be distressing to lose contact with your loved ones when you need it most or when, as a loved one, you realise that you cannot reach the other person.
I wrote the book “Mag ik bij jou?” for everyone who has had a traumatic experience such as rape or knows someone who has. The book aids in understanding how relationships with partners, friends, neighbours, and society as a whole affect recovery after a traumatic experience. That understanding contributes to reestablishing and maintaining connections, to once again feel how to support the other person without becoming overburdened. Working on trauma recovery is not something you can do alone, but together.
Author: Elisa van Ee
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